The New Year Moment - 2012!!!

Canon 450D - 50mm f5.6

Sayonara 2011, Wooo Hoo to 2012!

Ahhhh..the last few hours to the end of the year. Time to sit down and reflect over what's left of the year albeit without a glass of wine.

At this time last year, I was so busy stuck in a kitchen, prepping food and training staff for my own little venture that the New Year just felt like another day passing by. The first half year was really tough, coping with a new business venture which was never my specialty - a little sandwich & coffee shop. It was totally different from the corporate world that I was so used to. Equally as challenging although it sounds minute and simple. I had to cope with staffing, menu, kitchen, purchasing, equipment, planning, financial details, marketing and the administration. The stress and work hours was terrible, much much worse than the corporate world. If you're your own boss, expect to live and breathe your business.

Within three months, I lost weight and looked like a skeleton, slept like a log at night (snoring like a pig, I am sure..should have recorded myself as an experiment :P), didn't have a social life, was obsessed with working, and agonised over the daily dollar and cents. But throughout most of the time, I kept a smile on my face. It was a challenge that I took up, and a challenge that I intended to learn from. And learn so I did, although painfully.

Well, I still remember what my dad told me before I started, "Don't expect your first venture to be successful. Be prepared to fail and learn from it." Sure enough, when I realised that it probably won't be profitable yet until the end of the year, a painful decision had to be made. Either to be stubborn and dig my heels in to continue, or to call it quits. It was a tough decision indeed but to continue on might have probably brought worst results. We decided not to take the risk.

And to make matters worst, at the most pivotal point of decision making, life started throwing curveballs at me. It must have been a sign. When my car broke down in the middle of Federal Highway on the fast lane on a Saturday night, I took it all in with a smile and a chuckle (which many would recognise as insanity) and said up to the sky, "Is that all you've got? Come on, give it your best."

I was never a firm believer in religion, always believing that things were in my hands although there's a higher life being with different names, God, Allah, Buddha...whatever. But having said that, never taunt God. *lol*

The following two weeks right when another relationship started rolling downhill, I nudged into someone else's car at slow speed. Luckily, no mortal damage was done except to my wallet. *ouch* As shaken as I was, I thank my lucky stars as it could have been worst. And then the next following week, when my day at the cafe ended late, someone had broken into my car and stolen the battery. What a laugh. They should have just taken the car, but NOoOOoo, they had to take the battery. *lol* By then, I was ready to admit defeat and surrender to God. In desperation for some peace and calm, I paid a visit to the temple, swallowed my pride and  I said my own little self styled prayer and asked for direction. Surprisingly, an answer did come. Once a decision was made, everything became easier.

Nothing ever is a total lost - always learn from your mistakes in anything and know what to do right in the future. I believe this applies to everything in life. I at least knew what failed me; just three words sufficed - "Capital, Location and Marketing." But at least I will be better prepared for the future. I am thankful however for friends and customers that had supported us all this while. It has been a great fun and hectic experience serving you and hopefully, we can say what Arnold Schwarzenegger said in his famous movie the Terminator - "Hasta La Vista, baby!"

Looking back, I had so many goals then for 2011 - mostly too ambitious. I had wanted to travel to Tibet and Europe, learnt my guitar, go diving, improve my swimming, have fabulous abs (yes, you heard me right), and bought my own home. I should have realised just how much my own venture would have taken out of me which was everything.

At the hardest part of my life, something unexpected happened. The right guy waltzed into my life. I guess God is only fair. He takes away everything to give you something. It was crazy but we both fell in love within the first week. Everything just came naturally to us - we moved into a new home, met each others parents and relatives, traveled, laughed with each other and at each other, had our first Christmas tree up. And now, seven months later, we're still disgustingly madly in love with each other. Love makes everything else bearable. I hope that we would still stay the same even if we were married or have rugrats as he puts it.

I now really look forward to this New Year would bring. =) A new job would be great and still that winning lottery ticket. =P Thank you god in advance! It's going to be a great great year ahead! Hopefully, it would still be challenging but not life draining.

My resolution - to stay happy and to work hard for the things that I want and for the people that I love. Meanwhile, be am thankful to God for all that I have; a fantastic, sexy, challenging and yet understanding partner, greatly supportive parents and friends.

The traffic jam is starting to accumulate on the roads right now while I am thankfully in the sanctuary of my home. =P

To my Hunni Buns, my family, relatives and friends, may the New Year bring you what you hope and wish for. Be safe, healthy and most importantly, Happy. Love you all. 

The Perfect Guy...

There was this fine evening in April 2009 where I had concluded that "The perfect man just doesn't exist!"

I was wrong. Dead wrong. It's amusing when I get proven wrong. This time...I am grateful that I am wrong.

And how do you know? You just do. And when you do, you don't find any "Buts" in them. Even not those "buts" that sneak at the very back of your mind, and that you sometimes choose to ignore it. Everything just fits or falls into place and always unexpectedly. And time will never be an issue. And the best part would be that the other person feels exactly the same way about you as you do about them. It would be terrifying and exciting all at the same time, and yes, it would seem too good to be true. Self pinching helps to ensure that you're actually living in reality. =P

I have learnt after years of countless relationships, which mostly didn't end well, that you can't expect a person to change in a relationship. It's all about expectations and if your expectations fits the other person, and if the other person's expectations fit you. It's always a two way street. And to wait for a person to change, well...it mostly ends up in resentments. If it was right, it would have been right from the start. Learn how to walk away from wrong relationships, and learn how to walk fast.

He or she does exist. Question is, do you hold out long enough to find what you've always been looking for or do you settle for less? Obviously many of us tend to wonder if we were never destined to find the right person to share our lives with especially after many heartaches and tend to either give in to familiarity and give up altogether or change our requirements so that we don't end up alone. I am no different. There were times when I lower my requirements and thought maybe compromise and tolerance is what is needed. And yes, I almost did give up.

Fate works in funny ways. Maybe not everyone is destined to find the Perfect Soulmate. But every decision is a gamble or a leap of faith. Open your eyes, open your heart, do not wait idly by, take action, but know what you want. And maybe ask hard enough, and you might just receive.

For once, I am nobody's lesson. And nobody is my lesson. 


P/S: Dear god, you must have been listening hard. Whether it was fate or just pure coincidence, I am very grateful. Now how about that winning lottery ticket? =P

Self Reflections

I realised something today.

I wasn't as strong as I thought I was.

The person who I am today is because of all the connections that I have made in the past. I am who I am because of the people that I have met, loved, fought with and lived with. Every person that I met taught me something. Every relationship that I was in always had a message to me. I had always thought that I was somebody's lesson with the exception of one. Today it became two. For the second time, someone was my lesson.

Expectations. We always have expectations of our half. The crap about loving non-conditionally doesn't exist. And even if it did, there was a limited lifespan to it. You can only ignore expectations either of other people or of your own for only so long, and then nature kicks in. Perhaps, the trick is recognising which expectation is crucial in one's life. It's a thin line to wanting what you want and knowing what you should have. There's this model of a person aka my other half in my mind that will have to go major remodelling or plastic surgery in my mind. It's just that I haven't decided what stays and what goes. Like that perfect 6 pack which is a real deal breaker or that charming mischievous smile. =P I rest my case.

We all just want to be accepted for who we are. Loved for who we all, faults and all. And I am no exception, nor is the other person. I suppose it all boils down to ourselves, knowing what our weaknesses and faults are and trying to consciously slowly change them, not only for the sakes of ourselves but for the sakes of others. We often are our own worst enemies. Too often we build on negative images of ourselves, and draw on previous bad experiences or insecurities that we forget about what is possible, what is good, and what is right. We create our own unhappiness, which rightfully shouldn't exist at all especially if we are secure and happy with ourselves as a person.

I had forgotten that I could be my own worst enemy. I too have drawn on previous hurts and disappointments and acted defensively in the name of fear.

Perhaps I have been wrong all along in certain aspects. Perhaps I have looked at things in a certain way which was not always correct. To want something for oneself is not wrong. But if we really did love the other person and wanted their happiness, wouldn't one sacrifice one's own needs for the other? We would naturally know what needed to be done. But do we? Are we always that self conscious, that unselfish?

Pondering. I still have a long journey to self discovery. Hopefully, it gets easier. Hopefully, I get wiser.

Hopefully, someday I am nobody's lesson, and nobody is my lesson.

Pretty Please...

"Dear God,


I know that I've been busy lately to say hi, but I am sure that you've been up to your antics lately - fullfilling wishes and dreams of people silly enough to ask you for something, and yet putting your own twist into it.


On that topic, I have a bone to pick with you. 


Remember that Sexy Guy that I asked from you in Year 2008? 


Am sure when I asked that from you, you went "mmmm, sexy eh...ok...nah...take it...let's see how you handle it!" 


Firstly, I would like to thank you, he was indeed sexy but ended up....I think there's more than sexy that I need and want. I have to admit, I would have tweaked my request more if I had known that you were seriously listening to me.


So..Say...how about you grant me the same wish for Year 2011 but with some other additional attributes that I have been thinking hard about. So, how does this sound.... "Sexy, Reliable, Not too Old, Not too Young, Sensitive, Respectful, Astonishingly loving and caring in and out of Bed, Faithful....Sexy (wait...I said that twice...lol)"


I realised that I may not be the only person asking you for that. So if you're too busy granting the same request to the other 1Million people with your weird funny twist in them, I would much rather that you bless me for my Sexy Job (yes, it was in the same request as the Sexy Guy..you must really have been in the listening mood..I am not sure whether to be grateful or not..haha) first, then later in the year grant me that wish without your twists and turns...yes...I admit they have been fantastically interesting, soul lifting and all at the same time, heart wrenching...but please consider that although I am young at heart, but physically and emotionally just not as up to it as I have been before. 


So pretty please do consider my request."


Note: Just for laughs, but if god really does exist and is listening, have this to say... Laugh all you want.. but one day I will get what I asked for. =P 

For those Ladies out there who think that they need to lose some...

Wow, it's been a good long 10 months since my last posting. Even I didn't realise it. It still amazes me how fast time flies by. Have been really busy with my own endeavors, but more on that on my later postings!

Anyways, a quick one on what I wanted to share which hopefully will inspire some of you who have been wanting to do it, or is trying to do it. The much aspired issue of "Losing Weight".


Firstly, am going to share some graphical pictures here to which I am not proud of, and would normally BURN TO A CRISP! (I am ONLY doing this for those ladies out there, for those who have been there or are still there and for those who had asked me to....) These are pictures of me during what I would call my "poofy-est" times, Year 2008 where munching on too much chocolate bars and Baskin Robbins coupled with work stress had finally done me in from a 48kg to a 55kg.

Note: Viewer discretion necessary. 

For those of you who think that it isn't a lot, it is for me, especially when I had to change my entire wardrobe of clothes in order to accomodate for the extra inches around the belly. No more work pants for me, only skirts as they were easier if alterations were necessary. And yes, Year 2008 was the year that I even had friends asking if I was pregnant. *sheesh*  AND, NO, I WASN'T PREGNANT, "just fat"! =P

One thing to note is that every woman's body is different. Or should I say that different parts get fat before other parts do. So know your body well before you do any change to it. For me, it is obvious that the spare tyre becomes a full tyre, before the arse and bust kicks in, and then the face balloons. And yes, I took as little full body pictures as possible in Year 2008, and pictures that I took mostly had me either in baby doll clothes covering the full tyre, or a bag in the way. 

And how much of a difference, from then till now. I've found a picture of me wearing the same darn top, and so here it is......

See a marked difference? Those who know me and seen me recently will know how much I have slimmed down. Note that those pictures have not been edited or skewed.

I had that weight of about 55kgs for Year 2008 and in that year, had kept on telling myself that I wanted to lose weight. It wasn't only just the looks that waivered my confidence, but I started getting health problems - knee problems identified by the specialist as being early arthiritis. So much so, that it really hurt when I walked too much or even walked down a flight of staircase. And then I was prescribed, glucosamine ~ the exact same pills that my own parents takes! Old before my time, god no!

I had to lose weight. I figured that if I wasn't fit, healthy and sexy in my 30s, there would be a very high probability that I wouldn't ever be after that. 

My reasonable target was to go down to a healthy 47kgs, and almost impossible, ideal target was 45kgs which was during my college years. By June 2009, I had already achieved my 47kgs and maintained it for the rest of the year. Right now, it's harder for me to put on weight than to lose weight, and in fact have to eat more to maintain it. (And yes, am privilaged now to have nasi lemak as my dinner!) Am currently at my ideal weight of 45kgs without even trying, and yes, I can wear back my college years skirts. 

In fact, now I need to gain weight as 45kgs is seemingly too thin. But I am stronger than before, able to do at least some pull ups on the exercise bar attached to the door frame. Have in fact, slacked off in the last two months without any exercise but have still maintained my weight. That would have been impossible in the past.

How the hell did I do it? Even I surprised myself that I could, and did. 

Am not advocating any "quick-lose-weight-diet" plan or scheme but just the good old fashion, change and watch what you eat and some good old exercise. 

I always hear ladies saying how they are skipping dinner as part of their diet plan. This isn't a healthy and long term way of losing weight. Skipping meals causes puts your body in starvation mode, and causes your blood sugar level to crash, hence, the tiredness and grumpiness. And when we eat the next meal, we will tend to overcompensate for it. Definitely NOT healthy!

What worked for me was that I started out with some light but interesting exercise in the first month (only once a week). But what really made a difference wasn't the light but interesting exercise, but the food that I ate. Like what a guy friend adviced, it's 70% food and 30% exercise (or was it 90% food and 10% exercise??). He introduced me to eating rolled oats in the morning with fruits to make it more pleasant to the tastebuds. And yes, I cut down on eating carbs, ie rice. Oats in the morning, sandwich (wholemeal not white!) in the afternoon, and just normal meals with double veg portions and normal meat portions but without rice. Of course it takes time to get used to not eating carbs with being a Malaysian and a nasi lemak fan. But it actually worked. And yes, totally no sugared drinks. And also plenty of fruits. After about 3 to 4 months of that, I actually lost about roughly 4 to 5kgs. 

Then the hard work came! I sweated it out at the gym for about one and a half months. Started out at 10 minutes at the treadmill, 30 situps, another 10 minutes at the cycling machine, more sit ups, then 10-15 leg raises, then another 10 minutes at the step machine, and lastly, some weights training for the arms and shoulders (a must!). It was a dreaded first week when I started. Gym previously was boring to me, hated the running in the same place sort of thing. But I brought a book along, and when I couldn't read, oogled at the men showing off (haha..no not really..well maybe sometimes), and looked in the mirror to check myself out. Do what you can to keep yourself entertained. After the first two weeks, it started getting easier and I found myself wanting to go to the gym. Something to do with sweating being sexy. =P At the end of June, 47kgs. 

For those ladies interested, at the end of the month at gym, I was doing about 25 minutes at the treadmill, 25 minutes cycling, 25 minutes step machine, and I think a total of 60 to 80 situps in the whole period. Keep increasing your time at a reasonable pace and amount! Try to do a little bit more at every session where possible!

Moral of the Story:-

1) Do not give into that evil voice in your head saying, "oh, just a small bite of that fried chicken or nasi lemak" (at least not for the first 3 months to 6 months). Learn how to say "NO!" 

2) Cut down on Carbs and Sugar but do it slowly and in stages. (And yes, less oily things too)

3) Exercise for overall weight loss! If you hate the gym, go join pole dancing or some other exercise (sorry, not yoga, it's not vigorous enough in the beginning for that and p/s: be ready for a smaller bust size after your entire healthy regime)

4) Exercise more for specific weight loss! For eg, if you have a full belly like me, you'll have to do more situps or leg raises

It is POSSIBLE to achieve your targeted weight loss without paying loads of money but make sure it's a healthy targeted weight loss and that you're not instead underweight for your height and frame. And oh, it helps to read up on nutrition as well.

Also, do note that after achieving your targeted weight, you will need to start eating back more carbs and sugar to maintain the weight *yippie*nasi lemak back again!*, but still do watch what you are eating. It doesn't mean going back to old eating habits. Remember that everything needs to be done in moderation. 

I hope my personal story is an encouragement for those of you who are in it to persist through and for those who should start, to start! Good luck and cheers to healthy eating and exercise!

Just 24 more hours to go!

Mmmmmm....damn, this is one heck of a long day. 

Am guessing that tomorrow will be the longest day of my life until I get myself to the airport. Am hyper now even though I only had 5 hours of sleep last night. Yes, excitement and chaos reigns in my heart right now. Am guessing that I will be much more jittery as tomorrow advances.

It's wonderful how the start of a new chapter in life begins in 24 hours with a smile and a hello. =) 

p/s: Thank you, Mother Nature for keeping your end of the bargain. Airports running like usual, and the snow has reduced! Cheers!