Yes, its my last nine hours in Beijing, and the clock is ticking.
How do I feel? Well oh, right now, my panicking feeling is masking all my sadness. The fear of excess baggage is great.... so great..... Oh wells, me and my ridiculous love for a new sport... (It comprises the most of my luggage - 15kgs. One single item alone. ha ha ha. hey, its the accountant part in me...most things produced in China are way much cheaper than anywhere else....it should be well worth it!)
Am leaving at least half of what I initially brought here, which is not much... but indicates that I will be back in the near near future. Unfortunately, not anytime early this year...so it means that I'll be home bound for at least another half year, which is not so bad... (am reasoning with myself...haha) ...of course, already there are many things that I look forward to back home....family & friends, gatherings, SHWM, familiar but totally unhealthy cheap good local food in Malaysia, uncensored web usage (which I understand may change soon..but oh no, not another China in Malaysia...)
Ok, panicky feeling has gone down now.
Its been 5 marvelous months here. I was sitting in this very chair last night in the dark, lighted by just my table lamp as I watched the seconds on the clock go by, with the peaceful but familiar sound of nothingness in the apartment... I felt very sad. It was finally ending... and although I know that I will be back, but still.... It must be human nature to not want to leave somethings good in life.
This has been my home for the last 5 months, a big big Thank You to my girlfriend for making it so. I more so feel reluctant to leave because of her. She has been more than my friend in my whole stay here. She has been part of my family. My experience here in China has been made available due to her. Am thankful, grateful that she's given me an opportunity to step out of my comfort box. Someday, hopefully... I will return the favour.
In the past week and more, I've been preparing to go back, saying my goodbyes to the ones still left in Beijing and to new friends made here. I have to say, I have multiple homes in my heart, but all these, I realised...are made homes because of the connections that we have made in life and the memories that we make. Of course, there are multiple things that I will miss about China (not so much the spitting and scary public toilets!), A21 ban, walking to school in the morning with my head in the clouds feeling at peace and happy everyday, cramping for exams in coffee shops, explicitly expressive moments in class, interesting drunk experiences at certain moments (haha, yes indeed it was interesting...), holidays in Southern Beijing with my parents, changing but tantalising fruit seasons, great coffee moments with great conversations, great scallop moments in the Wu, exhausting gym sessions with my gf followed by fresh homecooked food.... I could just go on and on...
Even so that I know that I will miss all those things above but I know that my "Adventures in Life" still has not ended but on the contrary, it just started. There's so much to life when you make up your mind to make it so. Am excited too about going home. Such conflicting feelings. ha ha. I guess thats what happens when the world slowly becomes your home.
For today, "Goodbye Beijing, Hello Malaysia..."
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